Our life in six by twelve...

Our life fits in 6 feet by 12 feet. Yes, that's our life. Alright, fine- I am a exaggerating a little, but everyone we own fits in a uhaul trailer!

I rented a uhaul today for a "dry run". It was actually fun! I got to drive the trailer home by myself from uhaul, it was nice to get a feel for things before I embarrassed myself in front of anyone important. Well, it wasn't like that at all! I drove that sucker like a pro and my car handled the load even better. 930 miles here we come!!

I have spent the last few days trying to set up the utilities for the new house! Sooo much stress, but thanks to family (and a cheaper moving option) we are going to be able to pull it off with a few dollars to spare... well, more like more money for bills, but at least we will make it down there!

I am getting re motivated! Things seemed like they were impossible and it's especially hard when I don't get any letters during the week, but family has helped me find the light at the end of the tunnel (while still reminding me that this WILL NOT be easy).

I have enrolled for the University of Phoenix! Although I will only be taking general ed classes, I hope to be able to apply to nursing school when we get to our first duty station. I have applied for several different grants and got a sum of $8500 per semester! So, school is paid for! I just need to decide what I really want to do.

Cole is doing great! He is sick every few days with something new and everyday a new part of his body hurts, but he scored Expert or Sharpshooter two weeks ago on his BRM- aka Basic Rifle Marksmanship. He was set to get Archive and his DS (drill sergeant) knew he was going to get the perfect 40/40 score, but Cole's gun jammed and his missed 8 targets while trying to get the gun working again. Thanks Army, Thanks for the guns that jam...

He has taken 3 minutes off of his run time, has lost about 30 pounds, and has made battle buddies (friends) with a lot of the other guys in his platoon. He phased into Blue today, which means only three weeks left! Yay for three weeks! Ya can't beat the feeling!

Anyways, there isn't much to talk about tonight. It's late and I have my own pre-birthday party to attend to tomorrow and possibly a bowling tournament!

Goodnight someone, anyone?

The time is getting near...

35 days from today, I will be sitting with my soldier, in his ACU's, under a shady tree in the the hot summer sun...

Yep, that's the way I'd like to think of it! Every day I become more and more excited, motivated and totally ready to see him! I have been told that I am going through boot camp at the same time as Cole. I never really thought of it that way, but after he passed in to White Phase I feel like I phased as well. Days a shorter, brighter and I am constantly motivated to do new things, write longer letters and actually start packing!

Today, I am waiting on approval for a 2 bedroom house, with a large backyard in Huachuca City, Arizona. We already put a (refundable) deposit on an apartment, but if we really do find something better, then I'm sold!

I just 11 letters from Cole. YES, 11! I have been patiently waiting for 2 weeks and then I get them all at once! Holy Crap!! He is doing well!! So much to say, so hard to type.

He wants mexican food, candy, caffeine, gatorade, cheesecake, chocolate, popcorn, music and lots of attention. Who would blame him?! Me too!!! I think he is pregnant. Speaking of pregnant, he said he wants to have kids with me... good??? Shouldn't have we discussed this before we got married? I thought we had! Man... he MUST be lonely!!

His platoon is doing fantastic! He said other than all the specialized training, they are basically in Ranger boot camp. He said it's hard as hell and they hardly ever get an special privileges. They are what they are.

He sent me a dog tag! Sweetest gift ever! It gold and says "Private Property of a Soldier" with the Army emblem underneath. What a sweetheart! He also sent me a card, THE MOST PERFECT CARD! It said Happy Birthday, but he apologized and said he will do something better for my birthday (which is August 1st, 3 days before I get to see him- which will be the best present EVER!!).

He asked his Drill Sergeant if he could fly back with me to Arizona (they are suppose to ask permission), the DS says "Fuck you." and walked away. Poor Cole.

He seems WAY more motivated than I have ever seen him, more like himself now than he has been the last 5 weeks. I can't believe only 34 days left!! That a month and a few naps!!! The best part is, I will (hopefully) be so occupied with moving that time is going to fly by. In a way, it really has already. I mean it's JULY for cryin' out loud!

Someone wrote Cole an anonymous letter. Saying I had cheated on him and then apologized. WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! Anyone who knows Cole and I, KNOWS we are absolutely inseparable, absolutely IN LOVE and absolutely faithful. Honestly, if I happen to ever come across that person, I WILL rip their throat out. You don't do that. You just don't. So whoever it was is too young and immature for their own good or is way to jealous and shouldn't be wasting their time. I don't mean to be so... osfkhgwerhglkwejrgw;ergjk... but you NEVER threaten someone elses relationship for your own selfish needs. People like that have karma coming to them and God will take care of whatever is left.

Anyways, he is doing great! I am doing great! We are nearing what is the start to another new chapter in our lives, truly being married and living on our own. The Army has trained me well so far and I am so proud to be an Army Wife. Cole makes me happier than anything in the world and he is my hero.

Motivation.. What's that?!

This weeks word: Motivation.

It's a cool word and all, but why?

Because that's what life is. Finding that motivation and using it EVERYDAY. Cole is my motivation. And why wouldn't it be?! I figure I can look at it two ways- be excited for the days that have already gone by, or be discouraged by the days that seem like they are frozen in front of me.

Cole write to me telling me how inspired he is and how excited he is to see me. That's what keeps him going. Honestly, me too!! =] It's interesting how 25,000 miles can make you such a stronger person. Full of self-control, patience and courage.

I am moving to Sierra Vista, Arizona in a little over a month! July 18th if we want to get all specific now! I am SO excited! We are starting a life together!!! The challenge was- picking an apartment out of our three choices of complex's. Sounds easy? Close your eyes and point, right? But wait... that complex keeps nailing me with more and more "deposits" and "fees", while this other one is cheaper, smaller and less amenities, it's affordable! I vote affordability... and I am SURE Cole would feel the same way. So I decided on a one bedroom, one back 600 sq. ft. apartment. Simple.

What else is new? I am going to the gym!! Why? I'm "skinny" right? WRONG. I REFUSE to be the fat wife that my husband doesn't recognize when I see him on graduation day! I want to be that in-shape, fit woman who will get up every morning at 5am and run 3 miles with him! And... I don't want stomach flab nastiness. I refuse. The easy part is getting my legs and arms all muscular again. My legs already feel a 100's better, but I am still glaring at my "abs" in the mirror every morning.
So, the fitness plan? Gym everyday. Cardio for at least 20 min when using other machines in the same day or at least 40min with a good cool down and some ab work. CUT OUT ANY fast food. It's the devil. And then... slowly start cutting out unnecessary sugars. I feel like the Jamba Juice in front of me is too much sugar, but then I realize it's better than a Slurpee and I am taking baby steps to get to my goal. Oh! My goal! Run 3 miles and to look HOT for graduation! Haha.

I have been writing Cole everyday... and I mean EVERYDAY. Sometimes more than once a day!

As I was writing this, I got my first phone call from Cole. It was the most intense moment of my life pressing the answer button. It was like instant adrenaline! It was hard to talk for both of us... I scream "Hi Baby!" and he said "Hey babe!! I don't have much time so tell me EVERYTHING!". That was my highlight of the phone call. Jitters and trying to hold back tears and eventually all I could sputter by the end of the 7 min was "I am so sorry... I love you sooo much." He then yelled "Crap! I have to go! I love you too soo much!" *Click*. I just stood there with the phone to my ear crying my eyes out. All he could think about was stressing if everything at home was okay... IT"S OKAY!!! I PROMISE!!! Work on being a bad ass and not worrying so much! I wish I could just give him a hug, even a short one, so he would know it was all okay.

I guess I have to settle for letters for now. Those don't make me feel much better either. It takes a whole week to get them and even longer if the drill instructor decided to hold them awhile.

I have my plane ticket to go an see him!! I feel like it is so far away, but if I think about it right, I am only moving in a month!! And then once I get to Arizona, it is smoooooth sailing!!

Oh My Goodness!

It's been since May 3rd that I last updated... Let's see, what has happened since then? Oh! I know! Everything.

Let us start with "The Wedding". It was utterly fantastic. A true fairy tale! The rehearsal dinner was a blast. Everyone was so helpful and things were done so timely. All the boys came over for dinner afterward and we all devoured something like 9 pizzas. Cole and I hung out late and spent the night wishing we were already on our honeymoon.

The morning of the wedding came as well as the rain. But what a blessing! Cole and I had 9th grade english together Mr. Harris. The most interesting part of the whole semester was "The Heros' Journey". The journey begins with crossing the threshold into temptation and challenges. It's like a downwards spiral into to Hell. The world goes from known to unknown and the hero loses everything they ever had and ever were. Once the unknown is reached, the hero falls into the "Abyss" the most important part of the journey. Death of the old self occurs and then rebirth of a new hero. Rain is a symbol of rebirth and blessing, so that morning as it was pouring down rain, I knew Cole and I were thinking the same thing. We are doing the right thing. After the abyss the hero starts transforming, much like we have the past two weeks. We have transformed ourselves into spouses with long term goals and love that can never be broken. We then cross over into the known once again until we have to go through the heros journey again, but next time it will be together.



Now that my tangent is over, the wedding was beautiful. Like everyone always says, the wedding happened in a flash. One moment I was in my jeans and slipper watching the rain, the next I was standing at the alter looking into the eyes of the man that I cannot live without.

We had a short lived reception, full of awkward pictures and funky dances (mostly done by yours truly). We played our last song and headed out the front door. MISTAKE. I have NEVER... EVER, seen, tasted or felt so much bird seed in my life! It was in my EARS, my mouth, my boots, my dress and... EVERYWHERE. Total blast though and from what I heard the birds the next morning DEFINITELY appreciated it.

The honeymoon was our next stop. Oh, LORDY did we eat well! The first night was spent at the Meritage resort in South Napa (before the airport). It was beautiful! Probably my favorite hotel of any we have stayed in the last 2 months. Breakfast was then served in bed and was by far the tastiest breakfast I've ever had! We then headed down to Monterey where we stayed in the most luxurious waterfront hotel we had ever seen. 3 nights of fires in our personal fireplace, eating out at all the best restaurants, in room deep tissue massages and LOTS of warm bubble baths. I have never been so happy in my life.

But all honeymoons have to end, right? Most definitely. I will be the first to tell any woman out there, it's hard. Did we fight? Heck no!! It was much worse. 2 weeks and 1 day after our marriage, I had to say goodbye to the man I love, my best friend and my soul mate. Although it has been the plan since February, we still had to say goodbye. We spent the last 3 days together laughing, crying and not taking one moment for grantite. Time for him to leave came too soon. He sent me a message at 4am on May 25th (an hour earlier than intended) and said he had 3min to pack and get in the taxi and was headed for the airport. So much for getting dolled up! I was going for the 50's scene where the woman kisses her soldier and the world turns black and white... ha, right. So I scrambled to get ready and left my hotel. My room was only 8 miles from the airport, but the GPS got me lost and it took me 45min. I may not get to say goodbye... I then parked in Terminal A- Day Parking since B was closed and tried to find my way around the airport. Terminal A and B are NOT connected, go figure. I then had to go outside and find a tram that would take me to terminal B, all the while trying not to cry because I knew what was coming. I ran into the (correct) airport and gave him the biggest hug I could. We emptied the contents of my cute (11pm the night before) Walgreens gift bag full of goodies into his Army bag and headed towards security. All we could do the hold time was choke back tears and stare at each other. Once we reached the security check point the officer told me I had to leave. I have NEVER seen a man with the same look on his face like Cole did when he was about to say goodbye. It was like he was silently begging me to take his hand and we would both run somewhere that we could be together. I said goodbye and walked away from the security check point alone. I went outside and found the tram once again, trying to hold myself together. I probably looked like a crack head desperate for a fix, but I couldn't live with myself if I started balling in the middle of a crowded airline bus. I got in my car and waited. I waited for him to come running after to me, or to get in the car and buckle up like he always does, but he didn't. I just drove home, alone.

Not sure I should write anymore for tonight. There is plenty more stories to tell, but I feel like I'm just digging myself into a depressing hole.

Goodnight all!

30secs to Goodbye


Rehersal

6 days!

6 days until the wedding! Actually, 6 days until we will be leaving for our mystery honeymoon. Mystery honeymoon?! Yes. Couldn't resist. We love surprises.

So, we are in the final stretch! I, with the help of plenty of family and friends, have planned a wedding in exactly 4 weeks. Who can say they were capable of that?! Not only did we plan it in 4 weeks, but the final cost is under $5000 and I have been working nearly 40 hours a week. They should write a book about me (they being anyone aside from myself).

This week my schedule is full of appointments! Hair color/trim, final dress check, make/hair run through, nails, waxing, ring cleaning, dog boarding/bathing and well... that's not to mention all the phone calls I have to make to confirm vendors and deliveries...! Ah!

We got our engagement photos back today! How exciting! Alright I'll add one... since blogger is so darn easy to use anyways:

Ahh okay, that was too easy. One more! But that's it, I promise...



Sigh. What a life experience. Honestly, I will never feel the way I do right now. It'll never happen again... Can you believe that?! That really makes you want to make the best of things. I WILL remember this feeling for "as long as we both shall live", and I would hate to remember myself being upset and stressed the whole time. So, I vow to enjoy every second of it, not take it for granite and remember every detail so someday I can share my experience with my grandkids.

I feel rather productive tonight. I finished loading the wedding music on to my iPod as well as backing it up with regular CD's. I still have a ton to do though. I may be able to finish my bridal shower thank you's if I stay up late, but I have the day off tomorrow so let's not get overwhelmed.

Life is good. Love is beautiful. Anticipation is growing.


(alright... a few more pictures!!)

Two weeks...

Today is the 2 week mark for the wedding! Nerves are definitley getting to myself and I am sure Cole as well. Then again, I'm not too sure about his nerves... Him and the boys left for their dirt biking, 4-wheeling bachelor party up in Stonyford early yesterday morning. I have been unable to contact any of the guys yet, but I'm sure they had a blast.

Everything for the wedding is really coming together. We are running out of things to do pretty quick! We will be busy as heck the day before and that morning, but until then there isn't all that much to do. I wouldn't mind being finished with the planning, but it makes for a very boring day at work.

Right now, we are working on all the little "extras". Possible hotel room in Yountville the night of the wedding...? Trading the truck for a more economical car...? I don't know. Just trying to keep busy and make money anywhere possible. I'm pretty sure at this point if we had the wedding tomorrow, we are pretty prepared. Other than all the orders not being in, but I'm ready. Haha.

I have the opportunity to be car sales. Doesn't sound like I good plan to you? Well, hours would increase, I would be garunteed at least a $1500 a month salary and I'm going to have nothing but time after May 25th so I might as well stay as busy as possible. I only have to pay for a $55 license to be able to sell cars, ironically I can't afford to pay for the license that will potentially make me thousands more per month. Go figure.

Back on topic.. We met with Jermaine, the pastor from First Christian, the other day. I enjoted it. It was fun and challenging! Not sure if Cole felt the same way, but it wasnt all that bad. We still have to go back for more "marriage counseling" three more times, but I don't mind. As long as we can get it done by the 9th!

So, I have estimated about 3 hours spent editing and adding/removing from my Target Registry. Sounds useful, but not when I don't think anyone has actually looked at it yet. Haha, oh well. I can at least pretend like I want all those things, right?

The more I think about Cole leaving the more torn up I get. Just writing about it on here is tortuous. There is no turning back now. He is leaving and I'm going to have to deal with it. I guess I'll get use to writing a lot of letters and expecting very few, if any replies. I know he won't have time to write me, let alone be allowed to call. Seems to foreign. I went a whole day without talking to him and I feel lonely.... Oh well, gotta practice now!

Yep, it's actually happening!

Hear some rumors?? Oh, I bet you did!! And yes, they are probably true! Unless it was the one about me streaking... which is NOT true. Kidding... Anyways, the date IS set! May 9th!!! The location is for sure, the dress is done, the food is done, the flowers, decorations and well... almost everything!

I was really trying to put writing a blog entry until I knew for sure what was happening with the Army. Basically, I have been given the opportunity to join. Yes, all this time of fighting the system and I have finally won. But wait... I'm getting MARRIED. I will be a WIFE! Can I be a good wife to an Army husband and be in the Army as well? Can I?!? I'm starting to think no. I'm begininng to think that my priority will be staying safe and have a welcoming home to my Army man. Besides, through our benefits, I'll be able to go to college! I can be a nurse! Or a medic! Or... I don't know! Anything! So maybe it's a good trade. Being a wife and being educated. Honestly, I want nothing more than to be a wonderful wife and someone he is proud of.

So, I've finally been given the opportunity and now it is my decision to decline. Crazy, huh? All this time of fighting and I've found I have bigger priorities. Love changes life and life changes daily.

The wedding! Is going great! I am run absolutely ragged %90 of the day, but things are really coming together! I got to take beautiful pictures today with Mima (Judy) and Dove! The wedding dress pictures we definitely a struggle for me... it's hard to feel pretty and confident when your out of your element and needing to stay so still. The artsy, half-nude, american flag pictures were a ball! I LOVE them and I can't wait for Cole to see them.

Hunter and I are currently in the works of Cole's bachelor party! It's not a strip club, not hooters and not Vegas, but the boys will have a blast! Cheap too!
My party on the other hand is non-existant. I am having a bridal shower! But not a bachelorette party, which is totally fine. I am busy planning other things any how. I did win a "pampering party" through Davids Bridal/Mary Kay. They will be coming to my house Saturday night to give myself and my friends facials, hand and lip treatments. This is a party for my friends who can not be in the bridal party. I totally understand money restraints and I know it's hard for them to pay for dresses, so instead, a free party at home!!

Hmm, what else. We are still unsure of a photographer. If it's doable or even worth it. To me, it kinda is. I'd hate to not have those "once in a lifetime" photos, but I think we will survive. I probably only think that way because I am a photographer and obsessed with getting the "perfect picture".

As the wedding gets closer I am sure I will update more. I feel the need to vent more and more often...